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I can't sleep and I don't even know how I'm bloody typing on this… - Ron
Links Family Dad ^ Mum ^ Ginny ^ Fred and George ^ Percy ^ Charlie ^ Bill
Friends Harry ^ Hermione
May 2005
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weasley_enprise
weasley_enprise
Ron
Mon, Jul. 26th, 2004 07:41 am
I can't sleep and I don't even know how I'm bloody typing on this thing cos my hands are shaking so much. I thought I was getting better. I think I am. It's just--after I went to bed last night I couldn't fall asleep and I kept staring at the canopy and all these thoughts were in my head and I ca'nt get them all out. I wish I had a Pensieve or something. Maybe that'd help. But I wouldn't know where to get one and even if I did they're bloody expensive. Dad's got a nice raise being Minister of Magic but I wouldn't want to ask him and Mum to spend a lot of Galleons on something like a Pensieve for me just cos I don't want to bloody think about shite.

I'm not sure why I had this panic-like attack last night. It wasn't like I was in a rotten mood. Bill and Ginny were pulling a bit of the mickey on me on this journal project last night and I had a good laugh over that (even if that bloody Beans song'll be in my head for the next week or so) and earlier Goldstein and I met to talk about the NEW THING and things've been ace with Hermione lately and even Harry's been a bit more cheerful.

Maybe I'm still thinking about that bloody mad bint Bellatrix Lestrange. I don't know how she has access to a journal or anything but it's not right. I HATE her. I HATE her and I know I'm not the only one. She deserves the worst and I hope some day she gets hers.

Or maybe I'm still thinking about what happened between Ginny and me the other night. After we played a bit of a Quidditch scrum with Harry we went for a walk on our own. She and I got into it a bit and I ended up telling her what I'd been made to do when I was gone and in that old house in Little Hangleton. I can't remember the last time I'd seen Ginlet cry and I don't want to see her do it again. That was one of the most bloody awful things I've ever seen. She said she didn't care what I had done, though, and that I was her brother still and she loved me. I know she wants to help me just like everyone else does but I don't know what she can do...and even if I did I don't know if I could let her.

My head's pounding.

I got up a few minutes ago to go to the wash basin and throw water on my face to wake me up a bit. I looked into the mirror and my eyes are still green. I still can't get used to seeing myself like that and I hope I won't have to. I want my own bloody eyes back.

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