Harry brought Sirius back from the dead.
I know it's not a dream or a ruddy nightmare cos I haven't been able to sleep one bloody bit. I've been tossing and turning and staring at the canopy and sometimes opening my curtain a bit to look over at Harry's bed but his curtains are drawn and I don't even know if he's there. I'm nearly afraid to get up and go look.
Sirius has been dead for just over a year and I knew Harry was missing him like mad but I didn't think he actually went
mad and cooked up an sodding NECROMANCY SCHEME.
That's not right of me to say.
Harry isn't mad. He ISN'T. He's no more mad than me.
It's the thoughts and the feelings inside of you that are mad, not you yourself. I know. The thoughts and feelings are so jumbled and so loud and so very MUCH that it nearly makes you explode from the inside out and you can just barely stop yourself from doing it. Sometimes I don't think I want to stop myself...but I do.
I guess Harry couldn't stop himself. Only instead of exploding from the inside out, he exploded someone else from the inside out. I doubt Sirius was ready to be exploded inside out. But it's too late now. He's out now and that's that. Sending him back would be just as wrong as bringing him out, wouldn't it be?
Would I do the same thing if I were in Harry's place? I've been thinking all night about when we thought Dad might die there in St Mungo's last year. If he had, would I have done what Harry did?
I honestly can't say that I wouldn't have. Dad is my DAD and Sirius was the closest thing Harry had to one and a bloke needs his dad. Dads are wise and brave and say things that make you feel better or make a bloody good lot of sense whether you realise it right then and there or weeks later and they always make time for you. I've had that my whole life and Harry only had it for less than three years. And those three years weren't even consistent cos Sirius had to hide a lot.
Still. Necromancy is Dark Magic and Sirius was dead and should have stayed that way cos that's what happened and what happens is meant to be. You can't change it. That's why things like Time-Turners are so dodgy and you have to get a tonne of special permission to have them! You shouldn't mess with shite that's already happened cos something even worse will happen then!
Merlin. This isn't good. Any of it.
I'm going back to bed to stare at the canopy. I can't take much sodding more of this. I don't even want to look at these blasted journal thingees anymore. I thought about reading some on here as I'm behind but I'm too anxious.
At least staring at the canopy won't be too bloody hard on me.